I don’t know when it began, with her fame or with my own, but I cannot count the number of times I have walked into a room & somebody asked me if I was Kim Kardashian. Actually I totally can. One time it was the Children’s Pastor at my church, he now only calls me Kimmy. Another time it was some random stranger kid & he asked if I’d ever been told I looked like a Kardashian. I glared at him & he responded saying it wasn’t a bad thing. Another time was when I wore my hair in a pony tail. That’s it, that’s all it took & I was deemed the contouring icon. But the most recent time was when I went to one of my best friend’s family BBQ & I walked in & her older cousin exclaimed that Kim K had arrived. All night the jokes ensued that I was in town from LA & that the paparazzi were asked to not cross the street in hopes to maintain some privacy.
I mean, sure do I maybe sort of look like the reality star? Possibly. I have the long dark hair, my eyebrows are always on fleek, my contouring skills improve everyday & my outfit game is so strong that I swear I’d beat Kobe in a one-on-one. But to everyone’s dismay, & to my fortune’s misfortune, I am not Kim Kardashian, & these are the best reasons why.
1. I am not married to Kanye West, I don’t have a baby in my belly, & another on my hip.
I’m not married to Yeezus, & I really wouldn’t ever want to be married to him. I wouldn’t wanna date a guy named Regie or marry a guy with the same name as my mom. And as much as do I constantly hang around tiny baby humans, I have never ever created one inside of me nor pushed it out in the most “natural” process known to the woman’s body. I don’t have a kid named after the dircetions on a compass & am not planning on naming the rest in the same sort of manor.
2. I do not have a professional make-up artist paint my face on every single day, these too-close-together eyebrows are drawn on by solely me.
Make-up is a form of art used to draw out your natural beauty & enhance your facial features. So I have to figure out how to do that little bag of tricks all by myself every single day. Conturing has been a skill I have had to practice & practice to get just right, & I’m still figuring out how to chisel away pounds on my face. And yeah, on the days where my eyebrows may be filled in too dark or in the form of a uni-brow, well I only have my unprofessional self to blame for that. I don’t look airbrushed for a reason, because I’m not.
3. I have never broken the internet due to a scandalous booty picture, or at least I don’t think I have…
I have however been told I have a nice rump, which is quite an awkward thing to hear especially when it comes from another girl. So I probably could have this one thing in common with Kimmy K, if I ever chose to lose myself & my dignity & expose myself to the world in that sort of way without realizing the lasting effect it has both big & small. I’m no where near a mid-life crisis so I think the chances of that happening are pretty bare & slim.
4. I don’t live in LA, though I wouldn’t be mad if I did.
I live in Reno guys. Why would Kim Kardashian-West ever, ever come to Reno freakin Nevada. She wouldn’t. She just wouldn’t. And I wouldn’t blame her. It’s just so not LA. LA is cool. Kim K is cool. I am not cool. That’s why I live in Reno. Reno is not cool. Not cool enough for Kimmy at least.
5. Everything attached to my person is real.
I got these curves all by myself. Every single bit of me was placed by loads & loads of hard work. And by hard work I mean hard work of eating pizza & donuts & ice cream & everything good & grand & delicious. I didn’t pay for a butt or a nose. Those things were God given & gene influenced. You’re jealous, I know. It’s fine.
6. I don’t have four sisters.
Who runs my world? Not girls, that’s for sure. I actually have two brothers & a sister-in-law & I’m grateful for their existance in my life. If I had grown up with a sister (or four!) it would not have been pretty. I’m glad that I’m the only original girl in the family because there is zero girl-petition in my life, i.e. girl competition. It’s inevitable amongst sisers & I’m glad I have no idea what it’s like to be compared to another blood related female.
7. Any empire I’ve built, I’ve built myself.
Nobody really knows how exactly Kim Kardashian got famous, let alone her entire family. They’re sorta infamously famous & it just kind of happened over night. Some say it was because of a sex tape, others because she started out as Paris Hilton’s personal assistant, or it might even be because of the family’s reality tv show. Well whatever it was, however her famous career came to be, I hope that whatever I build will be entirely built on hard, ethical work that makes a positive cultural difference.
8. I don’t have a personal driver & I don’t ever want one either.
I’m no feministic independant woman, but I hate riding in cars. I love being in control of the wheel & driving my own ride around town. The idea of just sitting there like a “princess” in a car honestly bores me. I like to imagine I’m a Nascar driver when I drive (oh, like you haven’t before) & you can’t do that from the baskseat. No matter what future fame hits me, or even if I marry a gentleman one day, you can bet that I will still be driving my own car.
9. I didn’t vacation in Greece or get married in Paris.
I haven’t ever even left this country because I sort of have this weird fear that customs is gonna lock me out & not let me back in. It’s a legit fear. But I mean, if Kim K wanted to pay for me to vacation in the beautiful Athens or pay for my wedding over in France, I’d throw that fear right out the window for sure. Basically I’m just trying to say that I’m so basic my vacations take place in destinations like Georgia, Sacramento, or Disneyland. And those are the fancier ones I’ve been on…
10. And finally, I’m not makng millions of dollars just by existing.
I’m just a nanny who barely has a savings, buys every thing on sale, and eats at home as much as she can because it’s the cheapest option. I don’t spend hundreds of dollars on a pair of pumps, or own private jets, or drive a Range Rover. I live at home in my parents two-story house, drive a car that isn’t worth anything, & have to save for months just to fly coach. I pay my taxes & put money into my retirement fund at the lowest possible rate because it’s what I can afford. I’m not swimming in cash, but I’m not drowning in debt either. I’m just getting by.
So, if this piece didn’t clarify enough, I am not Kim Kardashian. I’m a normal person with just a few hundred people who know my (real) name trying to live this life. I’m a twenty something year old girl trying to figure out where to go next, & hoping I can somehow get there once I figure that out. I am Abbey Kay, an ametuer blogger, a fashion/beauty enthuisiast, & someone who is not Kim K, regardless of the subtle resemblence. So please stop calling me Kimmy because the next person that does will probably need a nose job after I’m through with them (ask the Armenian queen for a good reference).
— abbey kay
Disclaimer: I didn’t write this post to bash Kim Kardashian. I obviously clearly follow her life & think she has meaning & worth. Just because we live differently doesn’t mean either one of us is living life wrong. I just wrote this to poke fun at all the people who constantly call me by her name, you know who you are.
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