monday morning encouragement

Independent. They tell us as women that this is what we should be nowadays, or more like “have to be”. They say that we have to do everything on our own, that we have to be dependent on ourselves & independent from everyone else. Feminism shouts empowerment to the woman kind. We hear the story of women doing it all themselves. Women owned businesses. Women lead groups. Women only staff. It’s as if the world or woman kind is saying that only women are important & in order for you to succeed you have to do it all own your own. You have to be a damn independent woman because there is simply no other way to be.

I do believe women can do it all. I do believe that we are extremely badass & strong & capable of doing many, if not all the things independently on our own. We should never let anyone tell us that we can’t do something because we in fact CAN! We can be independent, we can do things ourselves, we can break boundaries, cross lines, & finish the races that we start. But, today I’m here to tell you that though we can indeed be that damn independent woman that the world is encouraging us to be, we also have the freedom to be dependent at times too.

Has anyone ever told you that before? You have the freedom to be dependent. There are just times in our lives where we need help, not as women, but as humans, & we need to know that it’s okay to ask for it & receive it. It’s okay to be dependent sometimes. Life is hard sometimes & there are many reasons to be in need of help from someone we love & trust. We sometimes even need help from the complete strangers around us too. If we were made to be 100% independent, then what would be the point of even having other humans around?

My grandma is going to be 84 years old in a few months, & ever since my grandpa passed away almost three years ago she has become very independent. She cooks for herself, she lives by herself, she cleans her own home, she pays her own bills, she manages her yard & garden, & she takes care of her dog. She is badass, funny, strong, & very independent. But, every other week or so she needs help going to the grocery store or driving to her doctor appointments. She needs help, & that is okay. Do you think it’s easy for her to admit that after living for 8 decades she needs help with something she used to do so freely on her own? Umm, no. She is super stubborn & used to mention driving herself until I would offer too & then she would immediately say yes, knowing it would be best. It was hard for her to realize & admit that in this one aspect of life she needed help, but now she asks when I can take her & we make a day of it. She is independent in her thoughts, words, actions, & most of her life, but she is dependent when it comes to grocery shopping, & that is okay.

Where in your life is your independent pride hindering you from asking for help & being dependent on someone?

Be dependent on your friend when you’re sad.

Be dependent on your family when you’re suffering.

Be dependent on a therapist when you feel like life is too much.

Open up. Talk. Share your life. We all need help sometimes, & it’s okay to admit it.

Being dependent in times of true need does not mean you are weak, it means you know that you will slip if you don’t reach out for that hand that’s trying to help you stand straight. We sometimes just need help when we trip so that we don’t continue to fall.

Turn to someone you trust. Put your independence to the side for just a moment. And be real.

Mommy-ing is hard. Breast feeding is hard. Teaching little ones is hard. You can do it on your own. But it’s okay to ask for help.

Hire someone for your brand’s logo because you’re still really successful without doing it all on your own.

Ask for help changing your oil or your tire, then do it yourself the next time, or don’t.

You don’t have to clean & grocery shop & work & have a picture perfect life. Shout it from the rooftops to your friend, whisper to your mom, or let your husband know that you do in fact need them sometimes. But don’t forget to lend a hand to those not ready to open up & ask for help. Some of us need others to watch & listen when no sounds or movements are being made.

You are a badass independent person, & that’s something to be proud of & celebrated. But don’t forget that your willingness to be dependent in times of need is worth some praise too.

Always know that you can be independent & dependent at the same time.

– abbey kay

*brought to you by a girl who needs to be better at asking for help sometimes