I’m not married. I don’t have kids. But I’m still important, aren’t I? When I was younger I truthfully thought that I would be married & done having kids by the time I turned 25. I also thought I’d love high school, go to college, have only one boyfriend who became my husband, & have my first kiss on my wedding day. None of those things happened. No one told me my life would look like that, but at 12 years old that’s really how I pictured it would all happen. Now I’m 26, I am not about to get married, currently on my period so clearly not pregnant, & unlike the Drew Barrymore film, I have been kissed. Clearly I knew nothing, just like Jon Snow. Of course I still want to be married & have kids, but I had no way of knowing that I wouldn’t be living that picket fence lifestyle by the time I hit my mid twenties.
Society says I should have these things by now though, especially in my blogger world industry. Everywhere you look there are mommy bloggers sharing baby products & sleep methods, women sharing their infertility journey alongside their husbands with hope, traveling couples who are living their dream with their destined-to-be person in foreign lands talking about how great marriage can be, & the duo’s who somehow live all three scenarios & are happy as can be. I know every single person’s journey is different. Every single person at one point in their life has wanted something, desperately waited for it, & is now on the other side living it. But where in the world do the women fit in who aren’t doing any of these things yet?
Shout out to the women who aren’t wives or moms, yet.
Being a wife is important. Being a mom is special. I get it. And trust me, I do want to experience it. But I honestly can’t relate to those women when I’m an almost 27 year old who just isn’t there in her life yet. People say all the time that you’ll miss your “freedom” once you have those things, or that they would trade spots with me just to get a break. NEWSFLASH! No, you wouldn’t. And you shouldn’t want to. You should be grateful for the life you have & are building because at least you have a family to call your own. Do you know what it’s like going on family vacations as a single adult with married siblings who have kids? It’s different, let me just say that. You have no one on your side or on your team or up for anything because it’s everyone worrying about their kids getting naps or getting fed or making decisions for their own little family units that is best for them. Life changes the older you get & the further from everyone else’s lives you seem to be becomes more apparent.
Don’t read this as a complaint. I like my life. I’m happy with what I do & where I’m at & the fact that because I have no husband or little human responsibilities I get to experience things differently than those who have different priorities right now. But who out there is sharing what life is like for the percentage of women who don’t fit into the mom or married category? We need a middle ground. We, as in me, I need to share what it’s like to be a woman who desires these things, but just isn’t at that point yet.
So, shout out to the women who aren’t wives. Maybe you’re single, that’s okay. Maybe you just got out a relationship & are healing. Maybe you’ve never been in a relationship before. Maybe you just got divorced & are feeling lost & broken. No matter where you are in your single life, know that you matter. You’re not defined by your romantic relationship status. You have a value that is measured beyond whether you have a ring on your finger or whether you share a bed with someone at night. I know it’s lonely sometimes, a lot of the time if I’m being honest. But you aren’t alone. You should be proud of the life you’re living. Your life is important outside of marriage. What you are doing with your days still have an impact even if you’re not directly “sharing” it with another human life. You are badass, loved, & beautiful. Don’t wait to live your life once you’ve found that special someone, start living it now. Because if you don’t you’re going to waste a lot of time & miss out on so much life has to offer you right now. Be present, passionate, & live with purpose. Your life & who you are as a person are gold. I see you, I hear you, & you are worth acknowledging, always.
Where are the women who aren’t moms? Shout out to you, girl. Whether single, married, too young, unable, or not wanting to have kids, you’re not a waste of a woman. Your value goes beyond the ability to reproduce & your worth is not defined by whether, when, or if you ever have kids. I understand some of you are trying so hard to become one with no luck, remember you’re not broken. I know some of you desire to be a mom one day & you will be. But you are not less than because you don’t have kids. You are radiant & strong & talented. You are more than the title of “childless”. You have a voice that can chime in even if your experience isn’t the same. You still have room at the table to tell your story even if it isn’t comparable to others. You matter as a human & woman first before being defined as someone who doesn’t get it. Speak up for your truths & give compassion to those who don’t understand because they aren’t living in your shoes. I know what it’s like to live on the outside of a category, but I want you to know that you are an essential part of this world & no one can tell you otherwise.
Don’t get mad at me… I’m not bashing the women who are wives, moms, or both, or even the women who really don’t want to be either. I’m just trying to share the perspective of life that I’m currently living & hopefully shedding some light to those who need a different point of view. Being a woman at any stage in life can be hard & tiring & draining & lonesome, but it’s also fun & exciting & adventurous & so full of love. If you’re in a spot you don’t want to be have hope that one day without even realizing it you’ll be living the life you always dreamed you would.
Shout out to the women who aren’t wives or moms, yet, or the women they want to be, just yet. We all have different stories, goals, outlooks, dreams, realities, & perspectives. Don’t be afraid to share yours, be considerate of others, & love & encourage each other along the way.
Always know that your life has a certain path that is laid out specifically for you, so don’t try & take a short cut or you’ll miss what you’re supposed to experience in life.
– abbey kay
*brought to you by a girl who isn’t a wife or a mom yet