i love my mom, i really do

I never truly knew who my mom was until my grandpa died. I never knew how much I needed her, how much I loved her, or how much she truly supported me until we both had to walk a path of grieving together. 

My mom has always been a friend of mine. She was a coach on my sports team, my Saturday shopping buddy, my driver to ballet, & the person I have always been closest to. But we’ve always fought too. 

Call it being a teenager, or hormonal, or the unavoidable period of time that all mother/daughter relationships have to face, we fought. When you’re a kid, you don’t see your mom as a human with feelings & emotions. You just see her as the person who is responsible for all the mishaps in your life. I know I saw her that way sometimes. I know I yelled at her for no reason. I know now though that I was wrong. Mom’s are tough cookies for taking blame they don’t deserve. 

When my grandpa died, the senseless arguing about nothing stopped. When I saw my mom say goodbye to her dad, my heart broke into a million pieces for her. I’ve always known my mom was strong. She’s always stood up for herself, her loved ones, & those around her. But the strength she had to say goodbye to someone we both loved so much truly changed me.

My mom & I cried together for months after he died. I had never experienced death before & my mom was the one who helped me walk through it. Her strength through that exuded her. Her love for me through that was so patient. Her words to me were so kind. Her time spent with me was generous. I saw my mom so differently after that day. I saw my mom as a human, broken, hurt, & vulnerable. I finally saw her a person who had feelings & emotions & heartache too. I saw her as a daughter. I saw her as me. 

I haven’t fought or argued with my mom since that day. And I don’t think I honestly ever will or even could argue with her now.  I see everything so differently now. I see her differently.

I wish my grandpa was still here because I selfishly miss him. But I will forever be grateful for his death & what it gave my mom & me; a new relationship that’s true & deep & unlike one that I could have ever imagined to have with her. 

Mom, thank you for loving me. Thank you for having me. Thank you for being patient with me while growing up. I love you more than any words could describe. You’re truly the best person in my life & I could never imagine not knowing you the way I do now. I hope you enjoy today! You deserve all the love, kindness, & generousity that comes from you so naturally.

Happy Mother’s Day, I love you! 
— abbey kay

*brought to you by a girl who loves her mom with her entire soul