This week marks the fourth year that I’ve done this blog. And so much has changed. From what I share here & how I share it, to who I am, & what I love. It’s all different from that moment my 19 year old brave self decided to start out on a random adventure. I had no clue where it might take me, or if it even would go anywhere. The point was never to be successful or to not ever fail, it was just a way to put something I loved out there & to see what I could offer the world from my small Reno corner.
I’ve learned so much since that first summer post. The biggest lesson I’ve had to learn throughout this whole thing is that change is good & it’s necessary. I am someone who hates change, but I now understand that though it’s hard & it sometimes hurts, change is just growth, & growth is needed in order to truly bloom. I’m glad I’m not who I was back then. I’m glad I’ve let evolution & natural progression take place over this space & who I am. I’m glad I don’t just post outfit pictures that were taken in my front yard anymore. I’m glad I allowed myself to grow in style, self, & sentiment because where I am now is better than where I was when I first started. I’m glad I never gave up despite all the things that were trying to hold me back.
If I had stopped when I got called a “whale” then I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to become business friends with some of the people in the same community that that comment originally came from. If I had thrown in the towel when some annonymous person left a comment saying I needed “styling & make-up lessons” then I wouldn’t have gotten to model for one of my favorite brands that promote self love & worth. If I had given up when someone just simply said “fashion?” below one of my Instagram pictures then I wouldn’t have had the chance to truly explore who I was through style & settle in on a more ethically based & minimalistic approach to the clothing world. If I had let a rude comment of a girl I went to highschool with dictate whether or not I would keep going, then I would ended everything before it even began. If I had quit when my own brother mocked what I was doing then I wouldn’t have been able to be a part of national shoe campaigns, mulitple ambassador programs, local & non-local photoshoots, work with some of the nicest handmade designers, or watch my photography grow & get featured on so many platforms. If I had let the nonsense words of people tear me down instead of use it push me through the bad days, then I wouldn’t be who I am right now.
I’m not saying I’m perfect. The internet might reflect that image, but it’s not true. I’ve said mean things, & I sometimes still do. I’ve been jealous. I’ve been envious. I’ve made fun of or talked bad about the girl or the guy doing the great thing next to me. I’m human & I’ve effed up too. I’m not claiming to have had only nice things leave my mouth because younger me was full of herself & her sometimes not funny jokes. But, I will say this, it’s okay to reflect, see who you were, possibly hate that person, or the words that were used against you, & be grateful for those moments in time because they helped to get you to the place you’re in now. And this new place is filled with foregiveness & understanding, & it’s honestly a great place to be. I’ve learned that time makes mountains move & it creates a valley we may have known was accessible before. Thank you mountains. Thank you time. I see the valleys now.
To all of you who still follow, who still read, who are still interested in what I’m doing on this thing, I want you to know one thing: you should never let anyone or anything hold you back from chasing your dreams. I didn’t grow up having a dream & if I did it definitely didn’t involve wanting to have my voice be used to encourage or my face be known to tell a story. But this dream found me & I couldn’t be more grateful for the opportunity to use who I am as a way to bring ideas & concepts to people who are willing to pay attention & just listen.
It was just year ago when I changed this blog from solely fashion to more life & encouragment writings, & honestly it’s been an important transition for me. This past year has been the hardest one I’ve ever lived with the death of my grandpa & life just throwing straight shit my way. And if I’ve gained an appreciation for anything it’s that honesty & being honest in all facets of your life are truly worth a whole lot. Be honest with yourself & what you truly want, be honest with your emotions, be honest with your friends & family, be honest in your vuneralbility & in the things that you just simply don’t know. We need honesty to live. Personally, I need honesty just to survive.
And if I’m being honest, I’m also someone who needs the type of truthful encouragement that tells us we’re not alone in the suffocating pain we sometimes feel like we’re drowning in. Lately, I haven’t been afraid to be honest with where I am in life. I haven’t been afraid to offer the kind of encouragement that some of us truly need: the truth that life just sucks sometimes & that it’s perfectly okay to feel this way. Encouragement doesn’t have to stem from sunshine & positivity, encouragement just needs to come from a real & raw human place known as true emotion & circumstance. We don’t all need smiles to pep us up, we sometimes just need another person to say, “Hey, this shit sucks & I’ll be here the whole time that it does, & I’ll be here even if it doesn’t get better.” We need an honest & present friend. We need an encouraging network of honesty & that’s what I hope to continue to create.
It took me awhile to get here, but I’m willing to be just that. I’ll be your honest friend that will be real & open with you guys, someone who you can count on for true encouragement no matter where I’m at in life & no matter what I’m going through. I’m still here, it’s still me, but things are just a little different now & I hope my honesty will bring you encouragement where ever you’re at as well.
Thank you to those who have followed & supported & have stuck around through all my change. I appreciate it more than you could ever know. And I hope you continue to stay for all the changes that will undoubtedly come.
So here’s to four years of growing, learning, changing, & becoming more me than I ever thought was truly possible when I was younger! You’re out there killin’ it kid, & I can’t thank you enough for having the guts to start this thing out of nowhere the way you did. Let’s do (at least) four more years of this please!
— abbey kay
*brought to you by a girl who is proud that she started something out of nothing & is doing greater things than she could have ever dreamed of doing because of it