A few months back I wrote some thoughts on what make-up means to me & why I choose to wear it. You can read the whole thing here, but it’s main point is that wearing make-up helps make me feel most like myself. I’m someone who has been an avid make-up wearer ever since my mom let me try it out as a young teen & my love for it has only grown. Playing with new trends & products is something I thoroughly enjoy & over the years I got into a beauty routine that I felt really comfortable wearing in my everyday life. Strong black winged eyeliner became my signature look & everyone knew me by the retro style. It had become a staple in my #motd morning regimen which developed over time ever since I started wearing it at fourteen. I had no plan on stopping the bold look that was meant to be used as an enhancement tool. But lately, I felt like all you could see when looking at me was harsh black eyes which swallowed up all of my other features. No enhancement here. A change was needed & it was one that I knew would leave me feeling extremely vulnerable.
So about ten days ago, I quit wearing eyeliner cold turkey. That is honestly something I never knew I’d ever be able to say or let alone actually do. It was hard & it was weird. I felt like I was missing a part of my face at first. I of course have seen myself without eyeliner before, (duh, I live with myself), but no other human outside my family had. No stranger, no friend, & definitely no social media outlet, all of which would see me sans eyeliner over the past week & a half. I feel as if I used eyeliner as some sort of a security blanket over the years. I could live with less mascara or no eyeshadow, but no eyeliner on? Well that was a joke. Eyeliner was me & no one knew what I looked like without it.
The somewhat more natural look grew on me as the days went by, though I still felt like a part of what I loved about myself was absent. I learned to enhance my eyes more through the use of eyeshadow & even tested out some bolder lip colors to make my face pop. I received so many positive compliments about my new look too! Everyone seemed to love my calmer brighter face which was nice since I was trying something so foreign to me. I don’t know what kept me not wearing eyeliner as the days went by, I just told myself not to & I didn’t. I still felt uncomfortable the entire time while not wearing it, but I kept going. It was hard to believe that people were truly loving this version of me that I had never let anyone see before. I just couldn’t let myself believe it. I did notice though as I look back, that I cared less about what I looked liked before leaving the house when I wasn’t wearing eyeliner. And I also re-did my make-up less in a day than I normally would have before. So basically I didn’t spend as much time looking in the mirror & caring what I saw or what others would see.
Overall I would say that dropping eyeliner from my make-up line up has been a positive & eye opening experience. It literally changed the way I looked & felt about myself. I was really insecure about showing people what I looked like without eyeliner on & it was hard to believe they really thought I was beautiful without it. More people noticed me without it than when I wore it, though it may have just been the change they had seen. But I’m glad I chose to stop wearing it for a still unknown amount of time. It has helped me to feel more comfortable in my own God created skin. I still miss eyeliner & am looking for a way to bring it back in a lower leveled way. But for now, I am choosing to remain eyeliner free & am stretching myself to love the way I look no matter what I choose to paint on my face. Who knows, maybe one day I’ll be a real brave heart & go completely au naturel in the beauty department. Probably not, but you never can know what the future may hold. Hopefully, it’s a liquid eyeliner pen in my hands somewhat soon(ish) though!
What are some of your beauty habits that you’re scared to break? Let me know in the comments so we can conquer them together!
— abbey kay
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